You know the feeling when someone falls in love with you? Like, the way you sit, the way you gasp, the way you cheeks turn red, the way your hair swings when you walk. Everything about you was his favorite thing. You were his favorite thing.
But you grew tired, you know? You just didn’t like him that way. Maybe, not THAT way anymore. The warm fuzzy feeling you once felt was gone, and suddenly, you don’t look for his eyes anymore. It didn’t matter whether you saw him or not.
He didn’t matter anymore.
He was just another passing feeling. He was just another heartbreak waiting to happen.
So you stopped it right there. Until things got a little more serious than you wished and expected. He was looking for something else, and you were too. He found things in you, the things you didn’t even know you have.
He loved you.
But you didn’t love him back.
So you told him, and then everything was gone.
No more lovely cheeks turning to red, and him teasing you about how you looked so red like a tomato. Pwede ka na daw ihalo sa sinigang sa sobrang pangangamatis.
Those were the things you missed. You let go of these things. You didn’t even consider these things. You just let go.
You didn’t even remember them until he did those things to someone else. It felt like a huge punch in the gut. It made you feel nauseous and your chest was getting heavier and heavier and heavier until you couldn’t breathe anymore. It felt so bad and you wanted to cry.
You knew you needed to cry, but no tears were coming out.
Crying felt like an obligation because you were so used to crying for him.
You asked him for help, and he said something was more important than your “little” help.
“it’s not little!” you forcefully said. Trying to convince him—and maybe yourself— that your problem needed urgent help.
But you knew there was no problem. Maybe the problem was you.
He just looked at you and said “I need to do something more important.”
“More important than me?” you asked.
And with his lack of reply,
you knew everything was more important than you.